Roxanne June 3, 2010

So, while being here in San Diego, the Lord has shown me large amounts of real things. Real pain, real stories from homeless people, and real love. It’s been awesome to just sit back and watch the Lord do things and how He planned this to happen long ago..for me to meet the people I have met, etc. So, on Thursdays we have “community meal”..we have it on Sunday as well, but I help out on Thursday. So, this is an opportunity for homeless people from the streets to come in and get a free meal and hear some scripture presented by people on staff. It’s awesome I love it so much. I love knowing that this is the type of ministry the Lord has called me to no matter where I am. So I met this woman..Roxanne. She changed my life. She was so beautiful, probably in her late 40′s early 50′s and was almost paralyzed on her whole left side. I asked her if she had had a stroke and she said no and began to tell me her story. A man assaulted her on the streets and that’s how she ended up the way she did. She said he robbed her of her creativity cause she used to an artist and my heart was just heavy for her. I don’t always understand why the Lord puts certain people in the situations they are in, but everything will always and forever be for His glory. I just prayed for her, that she would seek the Lord’s will for her life, cause she has an awesome testimony that could transform lives on the streets. She has such a gentle (motherly) spirit about her too, it was great. Later, she waved me over to her and asked me my name again and asked for more food. I said “did you not eat enough?” and she said “people on the streets are hungry and I want to share this food”..such an attitude that Jesus would have. She was so encouraging.

My experiences here have been pretty great, to say the least. Sad how I doubt that the Lord would provide exactly what I need, but He does..every time. It’s been awesome just having different ministry opportunities here that are so in your face. Back home, well..in Starkville, I think I’d be surprised if I saw a homeless man..and here they are literally everywhere. I’m just learning more about the heart the Lord wants me to have for His church and stuff and I want to bring that back home even though things are so different there. I pray that God would create a change in me that lasts forever. Something that transforms my speech, my thoughts, every thing. I think it’s time I start taking the bible seriously and stop modifying it to fit my life.

I hope to see God do some awesome things through me this summer. He’s already challenged me to mature so much because of the people I am constantly surrounded by. Just praying.

I’m praying for you friends back home or wherever you are spending your summer

You are loved.

(word count: 526)

Sometimes, I wish I could change the way I say things. January 14, 2009

Today was overall a good day. Had one class–philosophy. Such an interesting class, I honestly thought it would be really boring, but it’s thought-provoking and almost fun. I just said that. I could sum it up in one word though: Socrates. haha..which reminds me of my friend, Sammy, cause she said sometimes..”I believe it was Socrates who once said..” and then put in something hilarious. 

When you accept Christ does your overall nature change instantly or is it a process? For me, it’s been one of the longest/hardest processes that I have dealt with. I guess I thought it would be like magic and I would be happier, nicer, etc..but that’s not exactly what happens. I mean, if you are consistent with prayer and digging into His word, then you would be a happier, nicer person. For me, consistency is so tough. I mean, right now I am doing alright with it–maintaining daily time with Him because I’m involved in a study. But I guess I feel that if I didn’t have a study or something to guide me..would I be as adamant about being in the word? 

At the end of today I really regretted how I acted. I was so lame. Handled a situation with a friend in an extremely immature way. I couldn’t let my pride down. It honestly makes me so angry that I had that much pride. At the time I said I was sorry for being stupid, but I don’t know if I meant it. Now-I’m just angry that I couldn’t let it go.

I hope you have a great week. You are cherished by a King. 

P.S. My english teacher called the roll and said “Jennifer Legit” it was the first time someone pronounced my name that way. I just said, I prefer to be called Jenny. Ha..great.

Woah. January 7, 2009

So it’s been like 4 months and some days since I have “blogged”. For that, I feel the need to apologize, but then again don’t. Therefore, I’m sorry to those who actually like to read this? Haha. 

2009..I wonder if one day we will say “party like it’s 2009..” 

A lot has happened since I last wrote..my sis got married, I finished my first semester of college, I ran a half marathon, I went to breakthru, and the last number of the date changed. Let me tell you a little bit about all of these things..

The wedding was great, beautiful, wonderful..all of those things and more. It was in Kiawah Island in South Carolina, absolutely beautiful there. Will, da husband, is great–best brother-in-law that I could ask for. I love that everyone could see that them being together is exactly what God planned, even my dad. 

First semester of college, that was interesting. Had some awesome times with the girlfriends. TI’s “Whatever You Like” is the theme song because we listened to it soooo much. Made some good grades..it feels so good to be back at school. 

The half marathon in Memphis was freakin’ cold. It was below freezing when the race started and when I finished it was in the low 40′s. However, it went well..finished in 2:31, which was good, slower than I wanted to do, but good. There weren’t many fans or bands, but then again it was freezing. 

Breakthru is a trip my church and a few other churches go on every year right after christmastime. This year they divided it into two sessions..one the 27-30th and the second the 30-2nd. I worked both camps, but I was a small group leader the first session. I absolutely loved it..had a mix of 10th and 11th graders..they were wonderful. Made the trip amazing. I pray that God works through them..and in me. this was the theme verse: “If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face, then I will hear from heaven and forgive their sins and restore their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14. What an amazing verse. I love it. The second session I was on staff..basically cleaning a bunch and getting to interact with the next group. That was an awesome experience too, just to be behind the scenes, but still working on things that God was having me work on. Overall, it was the best breakthru I have been to, ever. God is so good. 

It’s 2009..what do I need to work on? And why is that the first question that comes to my mind when I think of the new year? Well..I need to work on daily seeking His face and what He desires me to do. Also, to be in the word more, learning more about Him and His character. It’s fun to think I can start over..with this new year. Is that really possible? I don’t know, but I do know that God is doing things in me that will change my lifestyle. It’s nothing temporary. 

I have never wanted to be at school so much. I love State..I love being back. Seeing friends that I haven’t seen in almost a month. When I’m here I feel “safe” if that makes sense. I don’t know..I guess I just never feel like things are completely OK when I am home. However, when I am here, it feels right. Like it’s right where I am supposed to be. Good. 

Hey–I hope you have a good week. I pray that you would seek and find His face..that your joy, real joy, may be made complete in Him. 

You are cherished by a King.

Court. September 4, 2008

I went to court today for an expired tag. Can I just tell you it was the most depressing thing I have been around in a long time. I walk in–to the library. yes, the court is in this library–so, I walk in and I kind of get these stares from this man, who I later find out is the judge and the “cops”. I gradually make my way around the room and find a seat. I have no idea what’s going on. So, I listen in to this woman, who by this point, is freaking out and screaming at the judge. “What am I going to do about my son?! What am I going to do about this money?!? Can I have a phone call?” During all of this yelling, the judge calmly says “Ma’am, you are sentenced to 2-4 weeks in jail.” My heart breaks at this point. And the woman goes ballistic. Screaming louder, shouting the same things at the judge. The judge asks the cop to handcuff the woman, and she is seated right in front of me. Besides the fact that she is shaking and still mumbling things under breath, my eyes are glued to her absolutely beautiful son. I’m guessing he is around 2, he doesn’t talk, but can walk. My heart melts. THEN–the little [beautiful] boy, goes up to his mother and wipes her tears. I started tearing up at this point. I couldn’t believe it. Her shaking stops, her mumbling stops, and she looks down at her son. Who is trying to give her his cup with the most beautiful smile on his face. 

The little boy kind of reminded me of Jesus. He calms us down in the most chaotic times. He is there to comfort us when things are horrible. It was so sad to see this little boy, not understand, but understood enough that his mom was upset, about something. I wanted to hold this little boy and just cry. I wanted to keep him from the truth that surrounded him that he couldn’t understand. I wanted to protect him. I pray that that woman takes care of him. Shows him the love he definitely deserves. And I hope that she sees the unconditional love that he showed her today and embraces that. And understands that that is what Jesus is like for us. Unconditional. 

[I hope you have had a good day. You deserve it. I hope that you see the love that He has for you. The compassion, the care. I hope that you see that He wants what's best for you. He desires for you to have joy, for you to be ok. He desires to calm you down, to hold you, to smile at you. He thinks you are beautiful. You are enough.]

You are cherished by the King.

hoy. August 29, 2008

Listening to: Counting Crows. [August and Everything After, Live.]

Today–it was good. I didn’t have a class until 3:30-so I slept in til like 11. Woah, it was a little too late cause I felt sleepy almost all day My spanish class(the 3:30 one) is ridiculous. The teacher has a crazy accent because she is from Panama, and it’s just crazy. She randomly yells things, really loudly. Like hoy-today-she yelled the word “aquella” so loudly. I mean, it makes me pay attention, haha. 

The girlfriends went to the Wesley tonight, it was like freshmen/transfer night, so that was good. Met some people. 

Things have really been looking up lately with Him. Reading a book by Henri Nouwen(who is absolutely amazing. Recommend him for sure) called “Life of the Beloved” it’s amazing. Talks about when Jesus was baptized and He became the Beloved and God’s favor was on Him–and how that is like us. God’s favor is on us. Our names are engraved on His palms. Here–let me actually quote this paragraph for you..

“I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours. You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in the shadow of my embrace. I look at you with infinite tenderness and care for you with a care more intimate than that of a mother for her child. I have counted every hair on your head and guided you at every step. Where you go, I go with you, and where you rest, I keep watch. I will give you food that will satisfy all your hunger and drink that will quench all your thirst. I will not hide my face from you. You know me as your own and I know you as my own. You belong to me. I am your father, your mother, you brother, your sister, your lover, and your spouse..yes, even your child..wherever you are I will be. Nothing will ever separate us. We are one.”

So good. There is so much more to that book though. Check it out.

P.S. Starkville has the worst commercials ever. And by worst I mean: the cheesiest and most ridiculous. When you watch them you think “why?”. It’s hilarious sometimes.

Ash and I planned out our training for the half marathon in December. It’s in Memphis..if anyone cares to run it also–should be fun. It’s for or sponsored by St. Jude. I am so excited

I need discipline. To study for school. To actually study. At least look over the notes every night. It’s really easy to forget about homework here because most of my homework is on the computer, and I am not used to that. So I have to remember to go to that web site and actually do it. 

I wish I was better at spanish.

I want to be “fluent” in sign language. If you know someone that could teach me..let me know.

I love you.

You are cherished by a King.

Sammy–This is for you. August 7, 2008

Today has been great. Went to lunch with a cool dude. Still not getting ready for college.

College is a day and a half away. And like my fbook status says: I am embracing procrastination. That’s right. I just put my first load of laundry in..I am so lame.

Camp was fun..too much fun. Ok-not too much. I’m really glad it happened, and I am glad it’s over for right now. Too excited about college to miss anything right now.

I’m watching Oprah right now. Her name was supposed to be Orpah. Sounds like a type of whale..however, it’s a name from the bible. Don’t be misled.

[God is great. It's super easy for me to have a great day and not acknowledge Him once, pitiful. Learning more and more about myself. How much I think and analyze stuff..full of thought. That's what Jenny is. I think I am prepared for college. Still seeking to put my whole identity in Him. Still things I am working on. God's grace is sufficient. He is enough.]

Two days ago I said I wanted to go to Bed Bath and Body Works. woah.

I’m finding myself to be completely apathetic towards getting ready for college. Funny, because I look forward to it more than anything. I’m just ready to be settled in somewhere.

I’m sorry this isn’t the best post ever. You just want to read something, I know.  I really hope I find a good community of people up at State. People that understand me. People that share the same desires that I have. It’ll be interesting.

Every 9 seconds a student drops out of highschool in the U.S. [this is what oprah is about today]

I’m going to get focused in college. I might need you to keep me accountable to that. To make good grades, and to have a 4.0! ? Hopefully.

Hey-you da finest.

We are His beloved.

You might be my favorite. July 19, 2008

Camp is still going. Yesterday I had never wanted to be back in Clinton more. I was just wiped out. I love camp..I really do–I was just tired. So, it has definitely been great to catch up with friends and to relax. Sleep.

We had an awesome water balloon fight between the staff at camp. Somehow it ended with me in two guys arms being thrown into the lake. As much as I didn’t want to be in the snake infested waters, I had an awesome time. I love da staff.

I don’t know what to expect with college. I hope it’s awesome.

I’m still tired. I should probably go running. Or do laundry.

It would be tight if I could see you.

I think you’re my favorite.

Open-Minded July 4, 2008

Someone once relayed a message to me that someone told them they really didn’t like me because they though I was close-minded and they said that I thought I knew everything about God.

Well, my friends..this is not true. Actually–it’s exactly opposite. I will admit to you every second of every day that I can’t even fathom knowing everything about God..It almost seems impossible to me to know everything about Him. However..that’s the fun in my relationship with Him. It’s always a mystery..there’s always things to learn.

I think at some point in my early teens I became very close-minded. It’s a terrible mindset to have. I still struggle with it, but honestly, I don’t believe I am that close-minded anymore. I don’t really know how to deal with certain situations or certain people in a positive way sometimes..but that doesn’t mean I am close-minded? Right? I think so. I wish you could understand me so that you didn’t have to talk trash about me to other people. If that’s what floats your boat though..go ahead. I’ll love you anyway.

Camp Rainbow was this week and it was fun..really draining(again) but fun My camper’s name was Ms. Bessie Holdeman. She was a sweet lady..her communication skills weren’t that great, but she was really positive about stuff and she loved to dance thanks to all the guys and girls that took the time to dance with her.

I’m ready to be back at camp. It might be a comfort thing. Bubble? I don’t know..maybe. The world isn’t as easy as camp is though. That’s the transition I have to grasp and embrace. And do it in a positive way.

I watched the Borne Identity today..it was awesome. I’m watching the second(supremacy) tonight.

I love you guys. Hope you have been good.

I’m sorry to those I have hurt by seeming close-minded.

I will forever work on being: Open-Minded.

In da woods. May 30, 2008

This is my team:

Andrew Benefield, Drew Crowell, Louis Rogers, Ryan Reeves, Chase Carter, Mary Holland Doan, Dru Anderson(girl), Me, Jessa Grindell, Bill Blair, and Ben Derrick. As you can see there are 5 guys on the team, 2 male leaders, 1 female leader, and 3 girls. Small and awesome. We love eachother..especially after the awesome camping trip I’m about to tell you about.

I arrive at camp sunday afternoon to find out that I have 30 minutes to get ready to leave on a 4 hour andventure to Alabama to go camping.

We arrive in Sibsy, AL and park in a parking lot on the edge of intensity a.k.a. the woods.(some national forest maybe?) We stop and make our food in the parking lot (around 8 at night) and we eat some rice and chicken. Then we pack up our 40 pound packs–which I will just take a second to describe. You know those huge backpacks you see hikers wearing that sit on their hips and just extend upward? They look ridiculously heavy and intense? Well, we got to use those. The camp provided packs, sleeping bags, and sleeping mats/tents, for everyone..awesome. And they were heavy, since they were sitting on your hips you couldn’t feel all the weight necessarily, but enough to knock you off balance pretty easily So–we start hiking. A good mile and half into the pitch black woods. Each of us carrying our flashlights. It was ridiculous. Once we got to the camp site..by way of a creek(which was stinking hard to cross for me), some muddy hills–that I found I slipped on everytime, and steep paths, we set up our tents. In the dark. It was hard and entertaining. Once we got to lay down in the tent..it was so hard to fall asleep. Owls hooting, team members snoring, and the thought that bugs were crawling all over you, kept me from falling into a peaceful slumber. Somehow, by God’s grace, I fell asleep. Woke up-oh by the way none of the team had watches on nor cell phones–so we woke up and no one knows what time..and we ate a little grub to get us going. Grub= poptarts and oatmeal. We set out to hike some more.. We got to this place called Wet Bend and decided to stop for some lunch..crackers, sausage, and cheese. We decided, by way of the leaders, to have a little chat to get to know one another. To find out our weaknesses, our backgrounds, our strengths. It was awesome. Mainly to see each person and what they derived from. Their family lives, everything. Ben and David talked to us after our talk and spoke about service and love to one another. And how we are part of the “big picture” but we are such a small aspect. Mainly talking about how we have to love and serve eachother..Then our wonderful leaders decided to tell us “alright team..here we go. You have all the resources you need to make it to ‘Easy Bottoms’ to see what cannot be seen.” Go. We stood there dumbfounded and didn’t really know how to start. We realized quickly that our objective was to find our next campsite. So, after much talking and deliberation and prayer, we set out on a trail we had only hoped was the right way. We reached this campsite and something kept telling a few people on our team that it wasn’t right. So, we walked on. We walked for a good mile and a half, into thick thick thick trails. We stopped in this little walkway bc Ben needed to stop and get some water. Then, one of our members asked, “why are we walking” and no one really responded. We all just kinded mumbled to ourselves thinking of the best possible solution. At this point, I was super frustrated. I just wanted one of our leaders to tell us where to go, because our team really had no idea what to do. So, I voiced my opinion and reminded the team, that it’s about loving eachother and serving eachother. Then, out of nowhere, Bill yells(at the top of his lungs) “Hold up wait a minute, put a little love in it!” I just stared. Some chuckled. Then he said “Maybe y’all didn’t hear me, and (even louder, he yelled) Hold up wait a minute put a little love in it!” And like nothing happened our team began to decide whether or not to keep going. Some said they didn’t want to regret not seeing what was ahead and some were tired and wanted to go back. Finally I said, “why would Bill just yell that randomly at the top of his lungs? It’s not about where we go, it’s how we go about doing that. It’s about being a team and loving eachother as brothers and sisters in Christ.” So the leaders left to have a team meeting..and we stood in a circle as a team, and prayed. Prayed that God would give us direction. Prayed for unity. Etc..After their meeting, we told them that we wanted to go back to the other campsite and that we had seen what couldn’t be seen: our love and service to eachother. And Bill said, “Team, you have made it to ‘Easy Bottoms’.” So we hiked back and on our way, there was thunder. I was like, “please God, no.” Then more thunder and lightening. Our leaders told us to start running. And we did. We ran until we got to the campsite and put up our tents faster than I can even imagine. Had the tarp up to sit under and put our packs under and then, the rain came. And it didn’t stop. 11 hours of thunder, lightening, and heavy sheets of rain. I haven’t really been this scared..ever. As I layed in my tent I was terrified that a tree would be struck and hit one of the tents set up..you know all the negative things. Then, God spoke to me, through what Bill talked about earlier. The verse when Jesus says “Oh you of little faith, why are you afraid?” (paraphrase) and He was like saying, Jenny, what can you be afraid of when you have Me? It was calming. I fell asleep, woke up to ridiculously loud thunder, went back asleep. Woke up to see it still sprinkling. We had to hike back the next day in the crazy mud. The creek that we crossed first, we crossed on rocks..on our way back the water was above our knees. Everyone with chacos on had to stand in the now river, ha, to ferry packs across and to help the tennis shoe people. It was crazy. And fun..the whole trip. Mud, bugs, and God.

The past two days have been orientation/working in the wonderful hot sun trying to prepare for the group coming in on Monday. It’s been a blast so far. Our team is really close and we all love eachother, alot. They guys are amazing, respectful, full of compassion for people, wanting to know how the team is doing. I couldn’t have picked a better team. God has definitely put His hand upon us. The leaders are amazing. Funny, wonderful, godly men, who will do a great job over the summer to lead us. I love it.

I hope you are doing great.

word count: too many.

But really–1227.

I love you.

Farewell, For Now (tour) May 25, 2008

I’m leaving for camp. I’ll let all of you know how it’s going as much as I can.

I’ll miss you guys.

I love you.

You are CHERISHED by a King.