I wish I could tell you all my secrets.. May 18, 2008

This whole working at camp thing is becoming more and more of a blessing. I need to escape some crazy situations that have unfortunately placed themselves in my life.

I saw Prince Caspian today. I was told to read the book first before going to see it, so I did. And I wish I hadn’t. The movie didn’t do the book justice at all. I liked the movie, but I think I would have enjoyed it more if I wouldn’t have read the book first. The book was tight. C.S. Lewis is tight.

“I been hangin’ around this old town for way, way, way, way too long” Yes. I have..I wish I could leave without being sad..you know, but there are just some people I know I will miss. And some I hope never to see again. Wow-that’s tough. I don’t like to seem that mean, but it’s so true.

I’m going to Memphis tomorrow..ZOO! I’m ready to see Alex, ready to see da zoo. And Will.

I’m talking to my Aunt Kandy on the phone right now, pretty interesting..that’s for sure. She can’t come to graduation–crazy.

Got da graduation service tomorrow at the church. Then I leave..for Memphis! I really have nothing to say. Really. And I’m sorry about this.

I love you guys. I’m done with highschool. Dang.

I’m going to miss you guys for shurrre.

Bleeding Love? May 15, 2008

I don’t know if many of you have heard this song-ha, bc it’s on the radio all the time-but it’s Leona Lewis’ “Bleeding Love”. You know the, “You cut me open and I, I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding..” etc. Well, this song is so catchy. I love this girl’s voice. I say she is the next Mariah Carey. Speaking of Mariah, I was reading a People’s magazine in Art I class today and Mariah got married to Nick Cannon! What? From the interview they seem pretty happy. Let’s hope so.

So-One more day. Una dia. Ha! I can’t wait to be done with school. Some people, and by some people I mean, me, landon, shane, trace, rachel, kayleigh, (and more) all got detentions today in our Mythology class and so we went back down to his class after the class was over, got on our knees and begged him to take it away. And he did. He always gives in. No joke. Although, I must admit, I was pretty nervous that I would have detention on the last day of school ha, how lame would that be. Good job guys, our begging worked.

I got my car back! Yay! It runs really well now. And I am pumped.

Today was a good day and this post won’t be very long, sorry to those who so eagerly wait upon my typeage. ha.

I like to smell things, but not stuff that stinks. I like to wear chacos, but not make my feet stink. I like pizza, but not the pain it causes my stomach. I love chocolate, but not poop. I love to brush my teeth, but not cavities. I love to buy stuff, but not spending money. (steal it? alright.) I like to be with this one person, but I don’t like it when he is dumb. haha. I like to talk, alot, but not about stupid things. I like Jesus, but I don’t like it when people don’t understand. I like to watch the rain, but I don’t like getting wet. I love to sleep, but I don’t like the dark.

I’m going to update you guys while I am gone for the summer. Hopefully those who care will read it and weep. Ha, not really. I just wanted to say that.

I wish this were funnier than it sounds.

Guess what?

Yes–you are still loved by a King. And He is enthralled by your beauty.

This is for you. May 15, 2008

“It’s the end of the world as we know it..and I feel fine”

That song just popped into my head. That instant..thought I would share. –So life: I’m almost done with my highschool career. Two days. Dos dias. God is still and always good.

I think that I’m definitely not prepared for the summer. I keep putting this “tough” face on saying I won’t miss anyone and that all I want to do is get out. Ok, so half of that is true. But- I will miss alot of people. I think this break is needed though. I want to get right with Him and find myself before college rolls around and other things try to define me. I’m just ready. I have been ready.

I’m really thankful for the group of girls I have in my life right now. I’m excited about our future. All of us. 

This is kinda sad cause I want to think of a really good story, mainly because if I am only going to post every now and then..then it has to be worth it right? Right. Well..update: I’m not getting my macbook until after the summer, which is cool with me, cause I sho won’t need it at camp..And it won’t get lost/broken. However, my car is getting fixed, which I think is awesome.

I’m ready to go the Memphis zoo..and see all da aminals. Yep..aminals. It looks right if you read it fast enough, but hilarious if you read it slow enough. My mom and I went to blockbuster tonight and I swear there were so many movies that were 3 for $20..what a deal! However, my mom-the brilliant person she is-guessed that they were all on sale because everything will eventually be blueray. (sp?) Yep..be careful. Not everything is as awesome as it seems.

“I can’t wait to be at state”-my little jingle that I like to chant randomly. But really though..I can’t wait.

This is probably turning out really long cause I just keep pressing “enter” and it pushes the cursor down so far..but there are so many different topics! Kinda like school for instance: watching a movie in every one of my stinkin’ classes except choir and art. Wow. Why does school exist. Ha–obv takin it too far. Today in english I got my teachers pillow, which she normally uses for her back, but I took it and put it on my desk and went to sleep. It was glorious. I drooled. (sp?) School is dumbbb. I think I really enjoyed it at one point, but now it’s just downright annoying.

[I like brackets] I also really like upbeat music. And not reality tv shows. I really like people, but not secrets. I really like phones, but not texting [lies], I really like reading, but not assigned reading. I really like listening, but not to things I don’t want to hear. I really like being right, but not admitting when I am wrong. I really like singing, but not off key. I really like dancing, but not hoochie. Haha..that one made me laugh. I really like running, but not the burn that goes through my lungs while doing it. I really like a clean room, but not cleaning the room. I really like eating, but not gaining weight. I really like talking, but not hearing my voice. I really like the sun, but not the burn. I like camping, but not the bugs. I like my friends, but not the drugs. [ok, so really that one just ryhmed.] Half true? No one knows. I really like knowing someone read this, but not the pride? Ha. Hubris! 

You are loved. Cherished in fact. By a King.

His Heart. April 7, 2008

His Heart is an organization that was founded by Calvary Baptist church and was/is basically lead by Linda Smith. It is a powerful organization that I believe has kept Calvary alive and has impacted hundreds of kids in the heart of Jackson. It has affected my life probably more than anything on this earth. Jesus has taught me so much through it, like what I want to do with my life, and who I really am. It has lead me to make the decision to join Calvary Baptist in their ministry and I will soon be joining their church. I have a heart for inner-city ministry. I have a heart for Jackson. I am going to college in the fall, but after two years I plan to be back in action here in Jackson. I want to be here to celebrate, grow, struggle, etc. with Jesus, and with His Heart ministries. I’ve talked to people about my decision to join Calvary and some people agree, you know like “if that’s where your heart is” kind of agreement and some people wonder why I would even do it. I think this is where God is calling me to be. I know my passion consists of inner-city ministry, mentally challenged people, and the elderly..Calvary baptist is located right in the heart of inner-city minstry, it has one of the largest ministries to the mentally challenged and there are tons of old people my heart is sure when I am there. I love it. I want to be a part of it. I can’t wait.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very thankful for my church and where it has brought me. I will continue to go to it on sunday nights and what not, and possibly the trips too, but I’m ready for something new, more challenging if you will.

My weekend was amazing. It was the His Heart 10th year anniversary and I am proud to say that I got spend 4 of those years with them. The celebration started Friday with a cookout, then the carnival saturday, then a huge celebration on sunday morning. I couldn’t have asked for anything better. Prom was absolutely amazing too. I had the best date in the whole wide world. We danced crazily like we were at Camp Rainbow again.(Camp Rainbow is a camp for the mentally challenged, if you didn’t know) He was so sweet to me and made my senior prom amazing. Thanks for that J.

I love Jesus. I love Jackson. I love to dance.–that could sum up my weekend.

Be encouraged brothers and sisters.

“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

peace.

 

Fifths Disease. February 19, 2008

That’s it. The answer to my sickness. The reason I though I had Rheumatoid Arthritis, the swelling, the red rash..everything. It’s a disease that commonly occurs in babies, but can occur in young adult/older teens. It’s a virus that mainly causes a red rash(which is on my arms), swelling, and pain in the joints. I’m so glad I know what it is. How to cure it? You just let it go away. No medication, just let it run it’s course. Relieved.

I went to Memphis this weekend with my friend Becca to see my lovely and newly engaged sister. I am so happy for her. Oh my goodness, I can’t stand it.

I don’t really have alot to say this time. I just wanted to let the ones who worried about me to know what’s up. Haha.. really though.

God is so good. I don’t think I have ever experienced Him this closely before ever. I think I am actually maturing so much to where He honestly is what I rely on to find peace and happiness. Why let your friends, or people control your happiness? When I think about how much God loves me and shows me that I am worth dying for, not worth walking away from-that gives me joy. When I think about how much He delights in me and everything that I am and represent-that gives me peace. People are going to (excuse my language) suck. They really will. They will let me down, hurt me, betray me. But my Lord and savior-never will. Ever. And He knows me! More than anyone on this earth. That is amazing. He knows what I can handle and what I can’t. He knows what I need and what is best for me. All of these things–He wants to show you. He wants you to realize how much He can give you. Mmm…I love Him. I like to think about Him and learn more about Him. Joy.

I leave for California this Thursday for my grandmother’s memorial service. I am singing Come Thou Fount in the service. It should be good. I’m excited to see all of my family. 

Another story–my cat came home from the vet and he had his surgery. He looks so gross. Oh my goodness, his leg is disgusting. The doctor said that cats recover very quickly from hip surgery though, so that’s always good.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23                                                                                 

peace and joy.

Sickk. February 11, 2008

This weekend has been the most ridiculously busy/chaotic weekend of my life. Lets see: I went to the doctor and possibly have rheumatoid arthritis, but I have to go to a specialist to get it confirmed, my cat broke it’s hip, I don’t get sleep at night because I have this cough which very well may be bronchitis, and on top of all of that, my grandmother died.

Let’s start with the arthritis thingie. I woke up one morning (about a week and a half ago) and I could not stand up without helping myself up. Every joint hurt. My knees, my fingers, my wrists, my elbows, all of it. I also had this “rash” type thingie on my arms, it was just red and blotchy. No itching or irritation, just red and blotchy. The next day the rash thing faded, but my fingers were swollen. The pain in my joints lessened, but it was still bad. So, I went to the doctor after school. He said he had no idea what was wrong, but took some blood to do blood work to cancel out some of the things that it could possibly be. Everything came back normal except for my rheumatoid level. They said it was pretty elevated and therefore needed to go see a specialist. Today: no pain in my joints, I went running today, but it was difficult.

Next, my cat broke it’s hip. Must have gotten in a fight, or something. Nuff said.

I can’t stop coughing. It is one of the most annoying things I have ever been through. No coughing medicine helps. NOTHING. Somehow I find a way to wake up in the middle of the night hacking away. Last night I coughed so much that I gagged and ended up throwing up. I’m stressed out. I just want things to be ok.

Lastly, my grandma died. She passed away on Friday. She was my mom’s mom and basically the only grandparent that I was close to. She died while going through dialosis(sp?) because her kidneys failed sometime last year. They said her heart just stopped during one of her sessions. She was ready to go, very ready. She wasn’t able to read(something wrong with her eyes), her husband died like 5 or 6 years ago, and she was just sick and old. I am glad she is free of any pain, but it just stinks that I won’t be able to sit on her couch and just talk to her. Since she lives in Cali, my family is going to fly out feb 20-27, it should be pretty intense. I am also missing a week of school. More and more stress. However, may she rest in peace.

Besides all of this, God and I have been awesome lately. He has just been revealing himself to me through friends and situations. I love Him, He is all I need.

peace be with you.

TRAINING! January 23, 2008

I come home from school and I feel like working out. My brother wants to go with me. I say, “sure, come with me.” I say that I want to run 5 miles today and he says “ok.” However, for some reason every time I reach 1.5 miles, my right lung just starts to have shooting pains..I told him this. He tells me to just slow my pace and I should be fine. This is pretty encouraging. We start running at the Y and around 1.5 miles, my lung starts to go psycho. I turn the meter down on the treadmill and every thing goes smoothly. My mind is in perfect condition to run a long distance today. Around 4.5 miles I decide to walk. Pride takes over me and begin to run again at 4.8 miles. Just 2 tenths of a mile to go. I did it. It was awesome. Unfortunately, I can’t walk that well cause my leg muscles hurt so badly. It stinks. I have strectched, but I don’t think I am going to want to walk around tomorrow Sad. I am running a 10k (6.2 miles) in Vicksburg on March 1st. Then, I am doing a half marathon (13 miles) on April 26. I need to keep running.

ugh. January 17, 2008

Ugh. This is how I have felt all day. Not because I am sick, mad, or tired. But, mainly because I have had this twitch/muscle spasm going on on the tip of my eyebrow that radiates throughout my eyelid. I have asked some random people today if they notice because this spasm causes my whole eye to slightly move and you know sorta shake. It’s one of the most annoying things I have ever felt in my entire life. I woke up last night and my eye was just freaking out. It’s so sad. Also, because I woke up so frequently, I got some sparatic sleep. Once again, annoying. School today felt like forever. I knew it would. No tests, nothing to stress over, just stuff to learn.

I really want to learn to love people the way Jesus did. I also want to be surrounded by people that respect me. I know the world is the world and you can’t just expect to be surrounded by amazing christian uplifting people, but can’t I get a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T? ha, I hope you are singing the song now. But for real, I don’t think some of the guys I hang out with give a crap about what I think, and I know they don’t give a crap about what I am sensitive to. We don’t even have to make this about “sensitivity” just saying words. Words do hurt. I don’t like this. I really don’t. They just say junk, cuss words, absurd gestures, etc. Should this be acceptable? Heck no. And I am sick of my friends thinking it’s funny. It’s not. Yes, I do think that on some occasions I find myself laughing, but when directed at me or one of my friends, it just makes me so mad. That’s what they want, me to get angry.

Anger. Something simple that can be made complex. I don’t want to be angry. I do believe in righteous anger, like getting mad at the fact that dumb boys do dumb things, but other stuff. Simple things that I shouldn’t get so mad over, it’s just not healthy. I’ll work on that.

English is still dumb for the people who read my other post about this wonderful subject We have this book report we are doing and reading another book on top of that. I love that class.

Well, not to mislead you or anything, I am a happy person. I did have an alright day, it was just too long. My eye is so annoying, as I am typing, it’s going crazy!!!!! Ah. Someone help me get rid of it. I hope you have had a great day, really.

I want you to move on and live your life, therefore, no more messages about how much I miss you or anything, just encouraging things, like what amazing stuff God will do in your life. I am excited for you. I won’t hold you back.

“May the vision of You be the death of me.”

Vida January 7, 2008

So- as of now I am supposed to have some 300 page book read and I have only read 50 pages. Bummer. I honestly don’t plan to read it at all. It’s a good book though. (well, the first 50 pages) There is lots going on in the life of my church. Youth ministers going and coming, more responsibilities for me and some other people, y mucho mas. The youth minister situation has gone smoothly, it’s just sad to see people go, however it’s also REALLY exciting to have new ideas from someone else. Something really exciting going on is that me and my friend Ashley are now going to be the small group leader of Junior High girls. I love them. We actually just got back from a church trip and I got to spend lots of time with those girls and invest in them. So that’s definitley something I am looking forward to! Yay. I realized how much I have to study to really teach those girls..ok that might have been a dumb statement. But, what if those girls have thousands of questions that I don’t know the answer to? Ha, just some worries of my own.

I go back to school tomorrow–that should be interesting. My last semester! I am so excited.

I also took on another challenge: I am running a half marathon in April. Dang, right now it’s looking pretty tough because I have been having problems with my left leg/shin/knee. But, I will get through it. One thing that encourages me to keep going, besides my faithful God who brings me through everything, is that my friend and I are running with the group that runs to raise money for Leukemia. I think they are called TNT(Team in Training) and one of my really good friend’s mother just got diagnosed with Leukemia recently and the doctor’s always feed negative outcomes to her family. However, God’s will, no matter what happens, will be done. Always brings hope.

I have a bowling match today haha..but really- I hope our team does well.

Life is going good, hope it has for you also.

“The greatest of these is LOVE.”

December 18, 2007

ENGLISH -my worst subject of all time. I don’t like to admit that sometimes because you’d think that since it’s my first language and I am pretty good at writing essays, that I would be good at English. Well, I’m not. The English they teach at my school should be called “reading” because way more than half of it consists of reading a novel and answering questions. Comprehension is not my forte. This is how crazy my teacher is: We had to read this novel and not ONE TIME did we discuss it in class (honestly, no joke.) So, the time for the test comes around and of course all the people in her class are just as confused as can be–”what could possibly be on this test?” Then she passes out a 8 page packet that is divided into boxes of all sizes..some are titled “author background info”, “quotes”, “symbols”, etc. She tells the class that this is our test and we must work in groups of 4 to do it. When everyone gets their grades back, I promise you I did not see one grade below an A. To bring this full circle–this book was on the exam today–however information on an actual test we had previously that she TOLD our class would be on the exam, wasn’t there at all. The test was easy, if that makes this situation any better, but for me it doesn’t. To me it’s not important on whether or not this test was easy, it’s important that this teacher is to prepare me for more difficult learning in the future, and the only thing I have learned is to not believe everything she says. Maybe there is a deeper life lesson I am missing from all of this. If you find it, let me know, please.

Today seems like it’s going to be pretty much the same as yesterday: studying and boredom.

“My name is written on His Heart.”

I wish I could write something you would enjoy reading.